Heartbreak!

Photo credit: Pinterest

Is there anything like Self-imposed heartbreak? Yes, because more than 60% of ladies I have counseled on relationship problems open up to me that their male church member (brother) are having sex with them! 

This is very serious and painful! Once a lady accepts a proposal from a brother, the sister should let him prove his love for her by taking care of her without sex! Successful courtship requires prayer and wisdom. Any sister who allows her brother to have sex with her during courtship has no wisdom! Such individual is a victim and may soon become a sex slave.

 Unfortunately, no sex slave has ever had a say in any marital relationship! This  means, a brother can freely intimidate a sister who has become his sex slave with a breakup. As a matter of fact, what many sisters are experiencing today in courtship  is sexual slavery and sexual exploitation! Presently, it is true that sisters are more than brothers, but then sisters must be wise enought to say NO to sexual slavery and sexual exploitation! Marriage is not a requirement for making heaven! Do not allow any brother to lead you to hell in the name of courtship. Any brother who can no longer control his sexual urge in courtship should marry immediately!  

Read also: Why you should not go into premarital sex in Relationship

In courtship, God has made woman adorable enough for man to respect and honour!  Absolutely, courtship belongs to women! I was surprised when I observed during my counseling sessions that some ladies are actually slaves in courtship! Why? Because men who are yet to be their husbands are having sex with them.  

A Godly lady is a pacesetter in courtship, but once a sister allows a brother to have sexual intercourse with her, she is devalued! Ladies, do not allow any man to take your position in courtship! Don't sell your birthright to any man in courtship! Man proposes, but woman approves in courtship! So, let every woman remains the Chief Approving Officer (CAO) and man, Chief Proposing Officer (CPO) in courtship! Every sister must be careful not to approve premarital sex with her brother so that she doesn't lose her dominion as CAO! 

Unfortunately, most sisters have lost this position by allowing their brothers to have sex with them in courtship! Of course, in any courtship where the brother has taken over the CAO, the sister will weep and most likely suffer an heartbreak!  So, sisters be warned! When you allow a man to have sex with you without marriage, you are no more the CAO, but the CPO; a messanger position meant for men in courtship! What a disaster!  This is the reason many ladies are now running after brothers begging them to marry them because they have lost the thing that qualifies them as CAO! Many sisters are the one paying for the house rent of those brothers who are yet to marry them. If you are living well and you preserve yourself holy as a lady during courtship, you dont need to entice your brother with any material or financial gift for him to love and marry you! Rather,  your brother will lavish material and financial gifts on you!  

Read also: How to control your Sexual urges as a Christian

Men will continue to take advantage of those sisters who open their legs widely during courtship,  until they learn to obey God and stay clear of sex before marriage! No sane man will leave a sister who is sexually faithful and marry a junk! So, sisters, zip up in courtship! The heart break most sisters are experiencing in courtship today is due to their inability to say NO to premarital sex! The more your brother sleep with you in courtship, the less valuable you become! So, ladies and  sisters, stop self-imposed heartbreak by disallowing brothers (or whatever they call themselves) from sleeping with you in courtship! Say NO to sex before marriage! Say NO to premarital sex and remain an enviable treasure (Prob. 15:6)! If  you allow a man to sleep with you in courtship, you are at his mercy. He may decide to marry you, and he may decide not to marry you! Several sisters have narrated the kind of heartbreak they have suffered from men to me and behold, it was very painful indeed! But funny enough, in most cases, they are the root of their problems.

Many of them allow sex before marriage. Sisters, do not devalue yourselves! Do not make yourselves less relevant in courtship! I tell you, as long as you close your legs, that man will not go because no man wants to lose a treasure! May you not court a man who will turn you to a sex slave! May you not meet a man who will take heaven from you and replace with hell.

Credit: Facebook

 HUSBAND SCARCITY

Photo credit: The book Husband scarcity

"Husband Scarcity" has become one of the challenges faced by many young girls today. In America according to statistics by Statista the percentage of births to unmarried women in the United States from 1980 to 2020. In 1980, some 18 percent of all women in the United States who gave birth were unmarried. As of 2020, the percentage of births to unmarried women has increased to 40.5 percent.

If you go to prayer houses, majority of the intentions are prayer for a life partner. And this calls for concern.

Casting our minds back to the time of our mothers and grandmothers, was there really much of a "Husband Scarcity" problem?. Or, maybe there were more men than women then, or there was an adequate corresponding numbers of both genders. I don't think so.

Maybe then, the women had values and were prepared to build a home and not park into a built home.

Then, once a young man comes of age and can at least feed himself and his wife, he goes out in search of a wife and the woman really appreciates him and helps him to build a future.

What am I really trying to say? We created what we now see as "Husband Scarcity" for ourselves.

Today, the reverse is the case. Ask an average girl to define her dream husband; you get things like "he has to be tall, handsome, fair, and rich, own a house at least, and be presentable" and then she adds "God fearing" in order not to sound so worldly.

Then, check the number of girls around you and the number of men that meet that standard, and you will see the problem. 

You hear girls say," I cannot suffer in my father's house and then go and start suffering with a man." What a wonderful dream!

What if from the beginning, you have everything you want and there is no suffering, and later in the marriage, the table turns around, then comes suffering? Will you run away?

No one prays for suffering, but it is good to start small and end big, than start big and end small.

The problem is that the description majority of girls give of their ideal man is virtually the same. When fifty girls want the same kind of man and the man that fits what they want is just one man, and the man can only pick one. Then, what becomes of fourty nine others They simply start lamenting of "Husband Scarcity". 

Another irony of our time is that it is hard, due to the face of our economy to find a man who is of marriage age who possesses all those things these ladies want, legally (except those involved in Internet fraud); Even the number of those in Internet fraud is not enough to match all those searching for already made husbands. If you look around, majority of the ladies of substance, of good value and virtue, who are ready to build a home with a man who has prospects, are married and not complaining of husband scarcity. one of the challenges faced by many young girls today. 

Casting our minds back to the time of our mothers and grandmothers, was there really much of a "Husband Scarcity" problem?. Or, maybe there were more men than women then, or there was an adequate corresponding numbers of both genders. I don't think so.

Maybe then, the women had values and were prepared to build a home and not park into a built home.

Then, once a young man comes of age and can at least feed himself and his wife, he goes out in search of a wife and the woman really appreciates him and helps him to build a future.

Read also: 12 Common Things That Makes Men Look Outside In Marriage. (Number 5 Is Important)

What am I really trying to say? We created what we now see as "Husband Scarcity" for ourselves.

Today, the reverse is the case. Ask an average girl to define her dream husband; you get things like "he has to be tall, handsome, fair, and rich, own a house at least, and be presentable" and then she adds "God fearing" in order not to sound so worldly.

Then, check the number of girls around you and the number of men that meet that standard, and you will see the problem. 

You hear girls say," I cannot suffer in my father's house and then go and start suffering with a man." What a wonderful dream!

What if from the beginning, you have everything you want and there is no suffering, and later in the marriage, the table turns around, then comes suffering? Will you run away?

No one prays for suffering, but it is good to start small and end big, than start big and end small.

The problem is that the description majority of girls give of their ideal man is virtually the same. When fifty girls want the same kind of man and the man that fits what they want is just one man, and the man can only pick one. Then, what becomes of fourty nine others They simply start lamenting of "Husband Scarcity". 

Another irony of our time is that it is hard, due to the face of our economy to find a man who is of marriage age who possesses all those things these ladies want, legally (except those involved in Internet fraud); Even the number of those in Internet fraud is not enough to match all those searching for already made husbands. If you look around, majority of the ladies of substance, of good value and virtue, who are ready to build a home with a man who has prospects, are married and not complaining of husband scarcity.

Read also: The kind of woman every Man wants

The easiest way to find a husband now, is to change your view of who a husband is. A husband is that man God made and then saw that it may be hard for him to really actualize his purpose for making him, without a help mate and then made the woman and gave to him, and he felt complete and fulfilled.

MARRIAGE IS NOT A POVERTY ALLEVIATION PROGRAM.

It is a mission of building the family of God here on earth. For those who see marriage as a way out of poverty, it is a way into bondage.

Women are HOME BUILDERS, not HOME WARMERS... DON'T CONFUSE A MAN'S PATH WITH HIS DESTINY. Where he is today, may only be a route to where God has destined him to be tomorrow. 

Another truth is that YOU MAY BE THE ONLY FAST MEANS TO THAT HIS DESTINATION. 

Join in alleviating "husband scarcity". PICK UP THE RIGHT VALUES. I am not saying that you should pick anyone that comes your way and talks of marriage, not all men are husband materials.

What I am saying is that you should stop setting your standard on material acquisitions or physical appearances. Look beyond the physical.

Read also: How to deal with your Exes

WHAT MAKES A MAN WHO HE IS, IS NOT WHAT HE OWNS OR HOW HE LOOKS, IT IS WHAT HE IS MADE UP OF. And that which he is made of is, most times, not seen with the physical eyes, only its effects can be seen.

Marriage is a permanent thing. Whatever is seen is temporal and that which is not seen is permanent. Relax and go to God in prayer. God did not just make Eve for making sake; He made her for Adam's need to be met. God did not make you for making sake either

(unless He has a special calling on you), He made you to meet a particular man's need. AND THAT MAN MAY BE THAT ONE THAT

Do not despise or look down on any man because, it doesn't take God a second to turn around someone destiny. A man can be very poor by December, then God bless him to be very rich by January. But never marry a man without a confirmation from God, so that you can confidently run back to him whenever Satan wants to rise his ugly head in your home.

Photo credit : Behance

12 DANGEROUS ERRORS IN MARRIAGE

Read Also: If You Want To Be A Good Woman, Wife And Mother, Emulate This Steps.

1. Failing to dress well because you are now married: You dress around like an old woman with wrapper like chicken feathers? That's wrong. Be your husband temptation otherwise he will be tempted outside

2. You use to respect him/her during courtship but now you have seen him all, and you disrespect him as much as you can. That's wrong!

3. Being spiritual and leaving your spouse out if it: this is very dangerous. Carry your partner along in your spiritual pursuit otherwise you will be building and Satan will be using him/her to scatter.

4. Learning alone and leaving your partner out of it: I have written severally on this. Learn together. Make sure your partner knows a little of whatever you know otherwise you will be building and he will be scattering

5. Ceasing to be romantic again because you are now married: many people use romance just to get at their partner and once married, they let it go forgetting that romance is needed more in marriage than it is in relationship

Read More: 10 Mysterious Prayers To Cut Off Spirit Husband And Wife.

6. Loving your own family and leaving your spouse's family out of it. If you do this, you will bring problem to your marriage. Love the both families equally

7. Threatening to leave the Marriage over offences: this would greatly harm your marriage, cripple trust and love

8. Loving your spiritual leaders more than your spouse: don't love your spiritual leaders such as pastors and mentors more than your spouse. This is dangerous

9. Hiding secrets from your spouse: the truth will always come out someday and when it does at the wrong time, there would be issues. Marriage is togetherness. Let your partner be aware of things so that you two could see to it together

10. Failing to appreciate your spouse: appreciation is a powerful tool for marital bliss. on daily basis, appreciate your partner. Appreciate their body, their food, their sense of dress, their skills, their knowledge, etc.

Never wait for your partner to demand for an appreciation before it is given

11. Comparing your spouse with others: this is a very terrible thing to do. Love your partner for who he or she is

12. Recalling past and forgiven offence: once an offence is forgiven, please bury it. Recalling it would cause harm to the marriage.

HOW TO CONTROL YOUR SEXUAL URGES AS A SINGLE.

Sometime ago, a sister approached me with concerns about her sexuality. She wondered why although she is deliberate about her walk with God, she still has a strong urge for sex. When I smiled and told her I had sexual desires too and that these desires were God-given and normal, she was greatly relieved.

When you ask some Christian singles, ‘have you at any point felt like having sex?’ the look on their faces will make you wonder if you’ve just asked an abominable question.

Yes we have the standard ‘flee sexual immorality’ instruction.

There are lots of sexual purity campaigns, seminars on the demonic operations behind illicit sexual affairs, talk shows that tell stories on how destinies are destroyed via fornication.

Too many struggles have arisen out of sexual urges that looks impossible to be tamed.

But the question still remains in the heart of many Christian singles. Can sexual urges be controlled? What happens when my body just desires physical intimacy? How do I handle my raging emotions knowing that God demands sexual purity?

1.Understand that sexual desires are placed inside us by God

Our bodies came with this pleasure package. The longing for sex is normal.

Imagine that nothing moves you. No desire for intimacy. The sight of that sister does not even make you feel anything or even when you are with the person you claim God wants you to marry, there is no fire or desire whatsoever. Your body is as stiff as wood.  If you are like this, who knows, maybe you have been destined to be a eunuch for righteousness sake.

One thing I know is that for every normal human being, our bodies responds to this intimacy because while we were formed, this ‘button’ was strategically placed to provide the sweetness that comes with companionship upon matrimony.

An understanding of this helps us to look forward to marriage. As a man thinks in his heart, so he is.

This is where control starts from. Your thought process. A constant reminder of the place and purpose for which sex was designed will help.

For a person who says, ‘Well, no man can control his sexual urges before marriage!’ be sure that he’ll indulge in it as many times as possible.

For you as a believer who honours and fear God, the question will be, What does God say about sexual intimacy? The answer should fill your thought life.

2. As far as sexual temptation is concerned, it is a fight we must win.

I believe that sex is one of the greatest temptations Christian singles face.

The devil seeks to twist our innate desire for sex for his own purpose. He does this by sensual thoughts triggers that draws us towards the flesh.

There is a battle to fight. Almost everything in our environment awakens us to our sexuality. Our urges are at alert more now than ever.  Every morning as we wake up, our minds are forced in the battle field surrounded by enemies. We constantly win with the sword of the Spirit and prayers. Our communion with God is how we maintain stability.

Read Also: 10 REASONS KEEPING YOUR VIRGINITY TILL MARRIAGE IS GETTING DIFFICULT

3.You must train your minds to quickly diffuse sexual thoughts that come into your mind

I use the word train because there may be times when you find yourself indulging in the lustful pictures when you clearly know what the Word says. Even when that happens, never let that discourage you.

Whatever actions that may have resulted from such indulgence should not make you sit in guilt. You have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ. There is no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus who work not after the flesh but after the Spirit. Get back into the Word as quickly as possible and learn to cast down every imagination that goes against the knowledge of Christ. Become a guru at pulling every thought to the obedience of Christ.

It comes with practice. The more you practice this, the more sensitive you become when those thoughts attack your mind.

4.Understand how your emotions works

It is foolish to see that your body quickly responds to touch or how you get easily emotionally attached and still allow your emotions to do as it wills.

Don’t ever compare your ability to control sexual temptations with someone else. You see how aroused you quickly become and yet you still visit that sister every time and talk with her far into the night.

You know that watching movies series, many of which now have sex scenes in strategic episodes, drives you faster into pornography and masturbation and yet you sit down with it because another believer says he is not easily affected by scenes like that.

Know how your body works. When you notice that the urges are repeatedly very strong at a particular time, take helpful steps.

A lady once told me that as a single, her ovulation period were the times her urges got to a peak. At those times, she was more sensitive with physical contact

The more you expose yourself to the things that trigger our sensuality, the weaker we become in taking our stand. Take note of those triggers. It’ll save you from falling and rising every time.

Read Also: 6 Strategies for fighting Lust

5.Sensitivity to the Holy Spirit is very important if we must control our sexual desires

The Holy Spirit will teach you what to do each step of the way. We must learn to listen. He is our helper.

There were some mistakes we’d have averted if we had listened. Long before you fell flat into that sexual sin, you might have heard an alarm go off in your head, or heard God’s Word jump right at you.

The Holy Spirit clearly says, ‘No! Don’t go there.’ but then the flesh is also trying to win our attention.

Many times, when we easily yield to the flesh, it is because there is something wrong with our communion. There is too much of exposure from the outside while our inner man is starved of the bread of life.

6.Never have confidence in the flesh

Here’s a sister in the fellowship who just became your friend. You begin to chat every day. As you chat, you can see fire and passion building inside of you gradually.

You sense in your spirit that you need to withdraw but then you think, ‘She is a believer. We pray and share scriptures together. Nothing can happen.’

She keeps visiting and then one evening, you just finished discussing some scriptures when you are both rolling on the floor, fondling each other like starved lions, clothes flung aside.

When you finish, you wonder how that happened even though you were reading scriptures few minutes ago.

Imagine a man at the height of passion and he is muttering, ‘Holy Spirit, help me.’ Which Holy Spirit biko?

Source:

Abiodun Aremo

Covenant Family Ministry

With the increase in marital issues in our world today, suspicion have risen to what men really want in a woman. Below are tested items as to the kind of woman every Man wants.

1. Every man wants a wife who will respect him and give him his honour as the husband of the house.

2. Every man wants a wife who will walk up to him in the morning and say, " Honey, I have kept your water in the bathroom; please go and take your bath".

3. Every man wants a wife who will walk up to him in the morning and say, " My darling husband, I have kept your food on the dinning table; please go and eat your food.

Read More: 11 Serious Questions You Must Ask That Lady Before Marriage.

4. Every man wants a wife who will respect and obey him in the public; even if she wants to disagree with him or quarrel with him, let it be in the bedroom and not in the public.

5. Every man wants a woman who will give him good suggestions and ideas on how to move the family forward.

6. No man wants a wife who will be controlling him and who wants her wish and instructions to be followed all the time. (God forbid).

Read More: How To Deal With Your Exes During Marriage

7. No man wants a nagging Wife.

8. Every man wants a wife who will hug him with a kiss when he returns back from work, and not a wife who will be quarreling with him for coming back from work late.

AS A WIFE, humble yourself and be submissive to your husband for the sake of your marriage and for the sake of your children. 

Above all, for the sake of God

Only mature people will understand what I'm saying and only caring people would share this post.

Marriage is not a joke! Who you marry determines how your life eventually turns out.  Your rising or crashing in life is determined the day you walk down the aisle with that woman so you can't afford to pick another man's bone. Here are the questions you must ask to see if your marital destiny is going towards the same direction.

1. WHAT IS HER VISION? Your wife must help you fulfil your vision that is why she is called a help-meet. If her dream is to become an international super nude model while your dream is to become a local full time Pastor, you will to do well to end the relationship!

2. IS SHE REALLY BORN AGAIN? Forget about religion. I'm talking about Christ-like behaviour, attitude and character. Some ladies can tie dress modestly, yet the poison in them is deadlier than the serpent's! If her character does not tally with that of a true child of God, you need to do a re-think!

3. IS SHE A VIRGIN OR NOT? You should find out to know what to expect on the wedding night and how to prepare for it.

4. DOES SHE HAVE AN EX? And what led to the break up so she won't repeat the same mistake in your relationship. If she still keeps a close relationship with her EX, she needs to choose between you and him. No rivalry is allowed in any relationship that will last.

5. HAS SHE BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED/ ASSAULTED/RAPED? Abused women have complicated emotions and relationships. They suffer unexplainable mood swings, depression, paranoia and in extreme cases psychosis and neurosis. They seriously have anger and trust issues. You need to find out so you can know how to relate with her in marriage. Better still, she needs to go for therapy before marriage.

6. DOES SHE HAVE A CHILD IN HER PAST? You must accept her child as your own now that you are getting married to her. If you can't and she insists her child must live with her in marriage, you don't belong together. End the relationship!

7. WHAT DOES MARRIAGE MEAN TO HER? Real marriage means companionship, deep sharing and friendship. If all she wants to do is have sex, cook and bear your children, she is not ready for marriage, both of you should go for counseling.

8. WHAT DOES SUBMISSION TO A HUSBAND MEANS TO HER? A wife must submit to her husband as the head in marriage. That is what the Holy Book says. If she is a feminist and you hate feminism with passionate hatred, you don't belong together, end the relationship!

9. DOES SHE BELIEVE IN WORKING AFTER MARRIAGE OR SHE WANTS TO BE A FULL TIME HOUSE WIFE? Iron this out so you won't be shocked if she resigned from her job after her first pregnancy and refuse to do anything else aside cooking and bearing children.

10. WILL ANY OF HER FAMILY MEMBERS BE LIVING WITH YOU AFTER MARRIAGE? Talk. Find out if you can cope with her siblings or parents living with you immediately after wedding. If you honestly can't, talk about it!

11. WHAT IS HER VIEW ABOUT MONEY? Some women believe money is meant to be spent while some believed it is to be saved. A lot of others believe in accumulating liabilities. Though the right way to handle money is earn, save, invest and give. Spending should follow budget. What is your own way of handling money? Make sure your view on money tallies lest you end up in the divorce court few years after marriage.

These and more are the serious questions you should ask your partner before saying "I DO". Amos 3:3 is a proof of God's will. 

If you claim you heard God and both of you are not ending the same direction, you need to pray again. God's will is not an excuse to walk in foolishness.

Yes, you must marry God's will for your life and your God's will must give you peace. If you are scared, troubled and your relationship is going no where to happen, end it before it ends you. 

May the Lord grant you understanding. Thanks for reading. God bless you.

Check my previous posts about Relationships and Christian life hints.

 Dealing with your past Lovers during marriage (Part 2)

In this post I will be elaborating on the types of Exes you might encounter during your married life.

Read More: Dealing with Your Exes during marriage (Introduction)

TYPES OF EXES

1. THE EX YOU NEVER BROKE UP WITH

There are some exes that are not actually ex because the breakup was not defined. No one told the other person that he/she is no longer interested in the relationship. Maybe some sort of distance or a break in communication could make both of them assume they are no longer together. 

Any married person that has this type of ex ought to find ways to tidy things up (especially if the relationship is very recent) because such exes never really disappear for good. There is high possibility that the ex will just pop out from the blues. Please find a way to officially declare that you're no longer Interested, else, you may be sitting on a time bomb. 

There are few men who hide their marriage from social media because of the ex they never broke up with. 

Dear singles, if you're breaking up any relationship, please speak in clear terms, don't use body language, don't disguise, don't assume anything. 

It is another form of wickedness to just keep quiet and move on without telling the other person. The person you have been dating deserves to know that you're no longer interested. 

Some of the single guys who tell ladies "I don't want anyone to know about us" have exes they didn't break up with. 

I am also aware of some tricky people who would never come out plain for selfish reasons. I used to be like that too. 

Such guys will withdraw all commitment from a relationship without categorically spelling it out to the lady that they are no longer interested. It may be that they have a current "sweet" distraction, so they'll withdraw from their girlfriend to buy themselves time to explore that distraction. By the time they're done (let say they've been away for months), they'll  then go back to the same girl they have abandoned and send her a message like "You just forgot me"...and lies will roll on lies to get their way back so that the relationship will continue where it stopped. 

Some other guys don't announce break up because they want to keep the ex on standby, like spare tire. Anytime the main girlfriend disappoints, they call her to the rescue, especially when there's Sexual urge. 

Anyways, I don't blame such guys, it's the ladies that allow such kind thing I blame. They are the ones agreeing to be fooled.

Not that some ladies too are innocent, some of them have long moved on, but they are into friends with benefits with their ex because he's their surest bet for urgent financial rescue. They will just go, use sex as bait to collect money. They feel "After all, it's the same body I used to give him for free,".

If you have an ex you didn't break up with, whether you're married or single, go and do the right thing now. Don't wait until the bomb explodes. 

2. THE BITTER EX

This is the type of ex that one did not have a soft landing with, probably because the breakup came as a shock and the ex feels he/she has offered too much to be dumped just like that. 

It is one of the most dangerous types of ex. Anyone who has this type of ex already has battles to fight. Such ex may graduate from attacking physically to launching spiritual attacks. 

I have a scar on my left hand that I'm still carrying about till today. It was my ex that stabbed me with broken bottle. She aimed for my chest, just that I got lucky and it landed on my upper arm. Though this particular ex that stabbed me was even the one that dumped me. I begged to come back, she refused. Only for her to return and fight months after finding out that I got into another relationship. I couldn't understand her anger. Like, she doesn't want to marry me and I must not marry another person? Well, it's all in the past now. 

My advice for people who have this type of ex is to keep reasonable distance from them while they guide their territory. 

Read More: 10 Mysterious Prayers To Cut Off Spirit Husband And Wife.

3. THE SITUATIONAL EX

This happens when two people who were truly in love had to break up because of circumstances beyond them. The circumstances of the breakup might have been foggy and impersonal, like maybe it was a right-person-wrong-time type of thing, or it could be as a result of genotype mismatch, refusal of family to approve the relationship and so on. The break up is usually painful. 

Although, this type of relationship usually end on a good note, since the break up is not the fault of any of the duo but both of them must still steer clear from each other. Staying away from such ex does not mean he/she is your enemy, it is not malice, you don't hate the person either.

 The reason you have to stay away is because there is an emotional attachment. You can't keep someone you're emotionally attached to around you, especially when you're already in another relationship or married. If you do this, it will likely end in "friends with benefits" where you always go back to have sex and do other other intimate things with that person. And each time this happens, you'll feel used, because you already know you've reached a dead end. 

Some ladies who have issues of genotype incompatibility, and as a result, have broken up with their partner may keep turning down the advances of other men.

I'm going to tell you the truth ladies, the fastest way to heal is to cut every ties with that person. Accept the reality and move on. Since you can't change the situation, then embrace the hard truth and move on! Put an end to all forms of communication with that person. I understand that it is a difficult path, your fears are valid but sometimes, the hard way is the only way. 

This is why young ones who are starting a new relationship should make important findings before emotions set in.

When I become the president I will make it compulsory for young people planning to go into relationship to introduce themselves like this on the first date "Hello, my name is John and my genotype is AA. What about you?".

4. THE EX YOU ALWAYS GO BACK TO

Here, the man and the lady behaves like Tom and Jerry. They keep breaking up and making up. They fight today, separate and swear never to see each other again. Just give them few months and they are back together and the cycle continues most common among young people.

The advanced and most dangerous form of this type of relationship is when both parties have ended the relationship and have started a new relationship with another person, or even married, but somehow, they keep sneaking back to that ex. 

There are many married people (especially men) in this situation. Somehow, they keep returning to the person they were dating when they were still single. The funny thing is that even if they are asked to choose between their spouse and ex, they will still choose their spouse o. Very confused somebody.

Anyone who has this type of ex is on highway to hell because it can never end well. Even God is not happy with such person. The Bible likened such people to dogs and called them fools. 

Proverbs 26:11 (NKJV) says "AS A DOG RETURNS TO HIS OWN VOMIT, SO A FOOL REPEATS HIS FOLLY."

II Peter 2:22 also talks about it. 

My advise for anyone in this mess is total abstinence from that ex. As in, break EVERY communication link. Flee from that person. Inform your partner about your struggles with that ex and both of you should prayerfully and maturely handle the situation.

Delay is very dangerous, it is either you break up completely from that ex or the ex breaks your marriage/relationship. The choice is yours.

Read More:  Who Is A Bull Husband?

5. THE DOMINEERING EX

This type of ex is most peculiar to men, and they are usually very ruthless.  Although the relationship is no longer existing, the ex still controls his past lover. It could be as bad as not allowing the lady to enter into a new relationship or dictating what happens in the new relationship, or the ex's marriage. 

While most of the domineering exes have something they are using to blackmail their past lover, there are this few other ones that have nothing on their past lover, they are just mad.

Ladies who are victims of such ex are usually secretive. They don't let their current partner into the truth. They sneak to give the ex whatever he wants, whenever he wants, even sex!

If the current lover gets suspicious and asks for clarification, they say things like "You can't understand". They may even dump him if he insists on knowing what is going on. 

I had a personal experience when I was in higher institution. I met this lady that I liked and she liked me too but she was so afraid of her ex. There was a day I told her to put a call through and I was listening to the conversation between her and her ex. 

The guy told the lady that no one can have her except him. The lady insisted that she had moved on but the ex bros said that one is in her pocket. That she's not the one to tell him when she'll move on. The man told the lady that even if any man had paid her pride price, she should go and return the money to the man because he is the one who is in charge of her life. The conversation was long and scary, and I was just a stubborn young boy. 

The most shocking part was that this same man had his wedding with another lady coming up in few months. His wedding invitation was already going round town as of when he was threatening another innocent girl. I couldn't understand that kind of love, he has gone to marry another lady but still insisting that he must not find his ex with another man.

The man knew I was in the picture, during the call, he was like "So it's because of John you're telling me rubbish, you think I don't know? I will finish him, just wait and see". He threatened to kill me and he attempted. But once again, I narrowly escaped, but not without multiple scars.

Someone told me few days ago that he got a job for his fiancee but her ex told her not to accept the job and she didn't. Just imagine! 

In rare cases, a lady can become the domineering ex. It can be a case of blackmail. It can also be that the man is the one who puts himself in that bondage. For instance, if he is the one who keeps going back to her, let's say, because she has matchless sexual prowess and the man cannot say no to the sex. The sex is just too good and he'll do anything to have it.

Some teenage girls (some in their early twenties) are the ones using sex to control people's husbands and fathers. They dictate what happens in the man's home. They tell him what to do and what not to do. They tell him how to treat his wife and children. They are in charge. How ridiculous! 

If you have a domineering ex, my advice for you is to plan with your current partner, set the ex up (like get a voice recording of the ex where he or she is issuing threats or even video) and report the case to the police station.

If it is a case of blackmail, discuss with your current partner, tell him/her the whole truth. Allow your current lover to know what your ex has on you. Both of you should put heads together and reason how to get your freedom. Only that truth will liberate you. You can't continue to live like a puppet. You deserve freedom. 

If you have a domineering ex and you leave it untreated, you will be endangering your life and that of your current lover. Don't underestimate a domineering ex. Obsession is bad. He can waste you, and and run away or even commit suicide. They behave like psychopaths. Please watch your back. 

6. THE STILL-IN-LOVE EX

This is probably the most complicated ex that anyone could possibly encounter. This ex hasn’t moved on, they are still emotionally attached to you, (and maybe the feeling is even mutual).

If you have this kind of ex, you must totally abstain from him/her. Don't keep this kind of ex around in the name of being mature or staying woke. You'll definitely fall into fornication/adultery if you loiter around this kind of ex. 

Keeping contact with the still-in-love ex will not allow you find fulfilment in your current partner. It is a total distraction. Please look away.

7. THE EX YOU HAD SEX WITH

For many young men in relationship, sex is for fun. Unfortunately, it's beyond that for most ladies. They are usually committed to men they had sex with. Except for few ladies who are not living in a brothel but their sexual life is not better than that of a prostitute. 

The ideal thing is to stay away from any ex you had sex with. This type of ex is not your enemy but shouldn't be kept as a friend. If you must keep contact with such ex, it should be once in a blue moon (with the consent of your current partner), and should be with a purpose, not just a chit-chat. 

8. THE EX YOU DIDN'T HAVE SEX WITH

Although there were some emotional attachment, there was no sexual intercourse. 

There are ladies who do not even regard such ex as ex. The only way you become their ex is if there was sex. More reason some guys want to have sex by all means. 

9. THE CLEAN BREAK EX

This ex is usually the ideal ex. Things between you ended nicely. There were no fireworks to celebrate your splitting up, but there was no bad blood, either. You’re not friends, but you’re not enemies. You probably don’t talk all that much but you know that if you did, you’d be on good terms and be kind to one another.

The spark is gone, but you do not harbor resentment for them, and they do not hate you. Your situation is very mature. 

Well, the situation looks good but there's still no need being close to any kind of ex. Ex is ex, your past is gone.