July 17, 2022

How to control your Sexual urges as a Christian.


How to control your Sexual desires


Sometime ago, a sister approached me with concerns about her sexuality. She wondered why although she is deliberate about her walk with God, she still has a strong urge for sex. When I smiled and told her I had sexual desires too and that these desires were God-given and normal, she was greatly relieved.

When you ask some Christian singles, ‘have you at any point felt like having sex?’ the look on their faces will make you wonder if you’ve just asked an abominable question.

Yes we have the standard ‘flee sexual immorality’ instruction.

There are lots of sexual purity campaigns, seminars on the demonic operations behind illicit sexual affairs, talk shows that tell stories on how destinies are destroyed via fornication.

Too many struggles have arisen out of sexual urges that looks impossible to be tamed.

But the question still remains in the heart of many Christian singles. Can sexual urges be controlled? What happens when my body just desires physical intimacy? How do I handle my raging emotions knowing that God demands sexual purity?

1.Understand that sexual desires are placed inside us by God

Our bodies came with this pleasure package. The longing for sex is normal.

Imagine that nothing moves you. No desire for intimacy. The sight of that sister does not even make you feel anything or even when you are with the person you claim God wants you to marry, there is no fire or desire whatsoever. Your body is as stiff as wood.  If you are like this, who knows, maybe you have been destined to be a eunuch for righteousness sake.

One thing I know is that for every normal human being, our bodies responds to this intimacy because while we were formed, this ‘button’ was strategically placed to provide the sweetness that comes with companionship upon matrimony.

An understanding of this helps us to look forward to marriage. As a man thinks in his heart, so he is.

This is where control starts from. Your thought process. A constant reminder of the place and purpose for which sex was designed will help.

For a person who says, ‘Well, no man can control his sexual urges before marriage!’ be sure that he’ll indulge in it as many times as possible.

For you as a believer who honours and fear God, the question will be, What does God say about sexual intimacy? The answer should fill your thought life.

2. As far as sexual temptation is concerned, it is a fight we must win.

I believe that sex is one of the greatest temptations Christian singles face.

The devil seeks to twist our innate desire for sex for his own purpose. He does this by sensual thoughts triggers that draws us towards the flesh.

There is a battle to fight. Almost everything in our environment awakens us to our sexuality. Our urges are at alert more now than ever.  Every morning as we wake up, our minds are forced in the battle field surrounded by enemies. We constantly win with the sword of the Spirit and prayers. Our communion with God is how we maintain stability.


3.You must train your minds to quickly diffuse sexual thoughts that come into your mind

I use the word train because there may be times when you find yourself indulging in the lustful pictures when you clearly know what the Word says. Even when that happens, never let that discourage you.

Whatever actions that may have resulted from such indulgence should not make you sit in guilt. You have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ. There is no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus who work not after the flesh but after the Spirit. Get back into the Word as quickly as possible and learn to cast down every imagination that goes against the knowledge of Christ. Become a guru at pulling every thought to the obedience of Christ.

It comes with practice. The more you practice this, the more sensitive you become when those thoughts attack your mind.

4.Understand how your emotions works

It is foolish to see that your body quickly responds to touch or how you get easily emotionally attached and still allow your emotions to do as it wills.

Don’t ever compare your ability to control sexual temptations with someone else. You see how aroused you quickly become and yet you still visit that sister every time and talk with her far into the night.

You know that watching movies series, many of which now have sex scenes in strategic episodes, drives you faster into pornography and masturbation and yet you sit down with it because another believer says he is not easily affected by scenes like that.

Know how your body works. When you notice that the urges are repeatedly very strong at a particular time, take helpful steps.

A lady once told me that as a single, her ovulation period were the times her urges got to a peak. At those times, she was more sensitive with physical contact

The more you expose yourself to the things that trigger our sensuality, the weaker we become in taking our stand. Take note of those triggers. It’ll save you from falling and rising every time.

Read Also: 6 Strategies for fighting Lust

5.Sensitivity to the Holy Spirit is very important if we must control our sexual desires

The Holy Spirit will teach you what to do each step of the way. We must learn to listen. He is our helper.

There were some mistakes we’d have averted if we had listened. Long before you fell flat into that sexual sin, you might have heard an alarm go off in your head, or heard God’s Word jump right at you.

The Holy Spirit clearly says, ‘No! Don’t go there.’ but then the flesh is also trying to win our attention.

Many times, when we easily yield to the flesh, it is because there is something wrong with our communion. There is too much of exposure from the outside while our inner man is starved of the bread of life.

6.Never have confidence in the flesh

Here’s a sister in the fellowship who just became your friend. You begin to chat every day. As you chat, you can see fire and passion building inside of you gradually.

You sense in your spirit that you need to withdraw but then you think, ‘She is a believer. We pray and share scriptures together. Nothing can happen.’

She keeps visiting and then one evening, you just finished discussing some scriptures when you are both rolling on the floor, fondling each other like starved lions, clothes flung aside.

When you finish, you wonder how that happened even though you were reading scriptures few minutes ago.

Imagine a man at the height of passion and he is muttering, ‘Holy Spirit, help me.’ Which Holy Spirit biko?


Abiodun Aremo

Covenant Family Ministry

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